Who Comes First: Your Family or Your Partner?

Is there a more awkward situation than being asked to choose between family and your partner? It puts “being between a rock and a hard place” into perspective! And yet, so many couples find themselves in the middle of this predicament, unsure of who should come first. It’s an awkward situation and we’re here to help!

In a perfect world, we wouldn’t have to take sides. But alas, the course of true love never runs smoothly, especially if family is involved (just ask Romeo and Juliet). But even if your parents aren’t quite the Capulets and Montagues, conflict will inevitably arise about who takes priority in one circumstance or another. 

Our solution to keeping your internal conflicts to a minimum is putting your partner first. Keeping your significant other at the top of your list is essential to a successful relationship. Once you’ve both decided to build a life together, family and close friends take on a supportive role and step back from making decisions and demands. That’s not to say that you should stop loving and caring about your parents. It simply means the dynamics have changed. Here are a few points to consider when putting your S.O. first:

Honour and Respect Your Partner

When your partner knows he or she comes first, it creates a deeper bond. If one person continually runs off to his/her parents after every argument, it can create a feeling of distrust. When you create a habit of talking to one another and working through a problem in a united way, it strengthens your relationship. 

Parents can be consulted, but it’s best done when both of you are present or once the conflict is resolved, instead of going behind each other’s backs. Needing some one-on-one time with your folks is by no means forbidden. But running to a parent when a conflict arises should not be your first or usual response.

Show That Your Relationship is Solid

If one person is constantly complaining to Mum or Dad about the other, it can be harmful to your relationship. When this happens, many parents can’t help but feel like you’re with the wrong person, even though there are many wonderful things about him or her that you love. 

If they have a skewed view of your partner due to your continual barrage of negative comments, they are less likely to give you proper counsel and may even encourage you to end the relationship. 

While we need our parents’ support and encouragement and welcome their wisdom when we ask for it, they need to respect your relationship, your partner, and your privacy.

Create a Stronger Intimacy by Putting Your Partner First

When your focus is on your partner, then both your needs can be met. This kind of intimacy opens the door to a more romantic relationship. Don’t forget that intimacy and communication are very important. On top of affection and sex, having intimate conversations is key. 

Is the brother-in-law asking for a loan? Are the in-laws being too critical of your parenting? Did the uncle say anything inappropriate? Address your complaints, your fears, or anything you’re uncomfortable with. Treat your partner with the utmost respect, sensitivity, and courtesy. By prioritizing your partner, you create a space for them where they feel safe.

When Things Get Tough, You Can Count on Each Other

Tough times are, well, tough. They cause us to lash out, close off, run away, and more. Whether they are caused by finances, arguments, insecurities, failures, deaths, or something else, it’s comforting to know your partner is there by your side to the bitter end.  It is these stressful occurrences that can bring your relationship to a new level of strength. And when you’re each other’s priority, there will be no question about loyalty to and from your partner. 

All of that being said, don’t push your parents and blood relatives away. Include them in ways that work for you and your partner. As a couple, you can do whatever you can to show love and respect to maintain peace with your extended families, but it must not be at the expense of your relationship. This is likely to bring up some uncomfortable conversations and awkward situations. But we’re talking about people we love and respect, which is precisely why these conversations need to happen before matters get worse. You and your partner can build that relationship while keeping each other as your main priority. We’re confident that putting each other first is always the right move.