How to support your partner through a difficult time

Relationships are wonderful, growing and evolving things. And the one basic truth about a relationship is that the more you put into it, the more benefits you’ll reap.

But that doesn’t mean that things will always be easy. Inevitably, you’ll encounter difficult times throughout the course of your relationship. 

One area that really gets us thinking is supporting your partner during a difficult time. 

An unexpected job loss.

A bout of depression or anxiety.

Grieving the loss of a loved one.

Serious health problems.

Any of these – and a whole lot more – can be thrown at us suddenly and unceremoniously. 

None of us wants to see the person we love more than anything in the world going through something difficult or traumatic, yet knowing how to handle the situation is a challenge. After all, it’s not like we get to practice these events everyday.

So what’s the answer?

While we’d love to say “Here’s the definitive answer!” the reality is that your best approach is going to be dependent on your partner’s needs. Whether they need space and time alone, or for you to take over all their needs temporarily. 

Don’t worry, though; we’re not going to leave you hanging. Stick with us for this post and you’ll get some answers.

One thing that is constant for each situation is you being available and letting them know you’re there for them, you love them, and you support them. Beyond that, you’ve got a number of things you can do to help them in general ways, and questions you can ask to best determine how to support them during this difficult time. 

And if you’re long distance, fear not — miles and miles of distance certainly make periods of time like these even more difficult, you can still “be there” for the one you love most.

Here are 3 tips for supporting your partner through a difficult time, whether you’re long distance or non distance. 

Ask yourself if you can fix it for them 

Not all difficult periods in life will be the result of loss or emotional pain. If your partner is facing practical problems, there’s a good chance you could help.

Practical problems like what?

Like financial difficulties, car trouble or roommate issues. Anything that can be solved or helped with money, advice or a hands-on approach.

If you’re comfortable doing so and have been together for a reasonable amount of time, you might consider loaning them money if you’re in the position to do so (but if you give money, do so without any expectation of getting it back), asking them to move in with you, helping them look for job opportunities or offering to help them update their resume. 

If they need professional help from a counsellor or therapist but they can’t pay for it, you could help alleviate the problem by helping them find the money or paying for it yourself.

Often, just knowing someone can help us solve our problems makes such a huge difference — a problem shared is a problem halved. And when your lover is going through a difficult time, it’s really satisfying to be able to do something to help them with it. 

Ask them how you can help

This one might seem glaringly obvious, but a lot of people struggle with asking for help, or asking how you can be of help. So don’t assume that they don’t need help because of an assumption they’d ask you for it. 

Unfortunately, no one is able to read minds. We know, that kinda sucks.

Until science remedies this shortcoming, we have to find out what our partner really needs from us in order to give the best of ourselves. So, don’t be afraid to talk to them about what they’re going through. Ask them about the complication and what you can do to help.

Do they need a shoulder to cry on or just an ear to listen?

Do they need to be spoiled with thoughtful actions and gestures?

Do they need help looking for a therapist, or support in connecting with a family member after a tragedy? 

This will not only be beneficial for you so that you can learn exactly how to help your partner, but it can also benefit them in more ways than one. Yes, they will benefit because they will receive support from you, but asking them what they need and to be open about it can actually help them think of ways to face whatever obstacle is in front of them, so they can eventually overcome it. 

Be open and patient

When loved ones are going through a difficult time, particularly a personal loss, substance abuse issues, health problems or struggles with mental health, it’s paramount that you show your patience and willingness to accept what they’re going through. Nobody wants to struggle with problems like these, and they take time to work through. 

Your partner should never be made to feel that you are out of patience with them or bored of hearing about their problems. This can be a real test, because of course it’s going to be difficult and frustrating for you at times, but it’s important to remember that however difficult this is for you, it’s much, much worse for your partner. 

So I should be a soft touch to keep them happy?

Not exactly. There are times when you’ll need to push your partner to help them get out of a difficult period. But this has to come from a place of love. If they’re not getting the help they need that will help them work through this difficult time, you’re absolutely within your rights to encourage them to get help or speak to someone. They may need a push from you, and that’s okay. Your role could simply be acting as the steady hand that guides them where they need to go to get help.

What it all comes down to when your partner is going through a difficult time is being there for them, whatever that means to the two of you as a couple. In many cases, you won’t be able to fix the problem for your partner, but you can support them every step of the way and patiently work together to guide them back to their happy, healthy self.