Communication in LDR: How Much is Too Much?
Communication is key in every relationship, but even more so in a long-distance one. When you’re together, you can read body language, and sense someone’s emotions. But a long-distance relationship requires you to communicate these things so your partner knows how you’re feeling and can support you accordingly. That being said, it can be easy to jump into the deep end, especially in a new relationship. Before long, you’re wanting to Facetime your partner for hours on end. That leads us to ask: how much is too much?
We now live in a world where we spend our days at home with way more free time than we’re used to. Many long-distance couples are taking this time to bond with one another, and rightly so. Talking to your partner can help manage your stress and alleviate your anxieties brought on by the global pandemic. However, deadly virus outbreak or not, being too emotionally dependent passes the point of support and can breed resentment. Excessive communication does not make up for the distance. Some may even say it’s potentially harmful.
It’s time you spent time with friends and family
In contrast to proximal relationships, long-distance ones involve a lot of one-on-one interaction and barely any group activities. That’s why it’s easy to fall deeply into the relationship and go so far down that everything else that is important to you—family, friends, hobbies, self-care—is put on hold.
If you find yourself spending considerably less time with or talking to your friends and family, you might want to rethink those absurdly long video calls with your S.O. You can’t rely on your partner to completely make you happy, but to add to your happiness. So make time for a shopping trip with mum or that long-overdue coffee date with your best mate. Resist the ever-present temptation to focus all your energy on your long-distance relationship and rather, choose to invest in other relationships you value most.
Shift your expectations
It’s difficult to know what counts as excessive communication in a long-distance relationship. While we can’t assign an actual number, being on video calls for something like 10 hours just can’t be sustainable. Sure, maybe you enjoy talking to your long-distance partner for several hours every single day. But this begs the question: would you be talking for that long once you close the distance and start living together?
The reality of the both of you working 40 hours a week, having obligations, and making big decisions may be a shock. It’s best to manage your expectations about long-distance communication patterns and whether they continue that way once you’ve closed the distance. It’s likely you won’t be gazing into each other’s eyes for hours on end.
No one else can complete you but you
More importantly, don’t lose sight of who you are. Giving up the things you love and enjoy is a clear sign that you’re losing yourself to a relationship. If you’ve made your entire life about your relationship and it doesn’t work out, what are you left with? Planning your future life together is important, but don’t forget to live for today. Rather than spend every free moment talking to your partner, set aside some you-time. Maybe it’s time to get back into photography, or poetry, or take up a brand new hobby that you’ve always been interested in learning about. Having something you’re passionate about other than your partner is time spent building your confidence, and feeling valued and accomplished.
Remember that there are two people in this relationship, both of whom deserve your time and attention. It’s all about rediscovering what you love, what makes you feel good, and where your interests lie. Other than some much-needed space, give each other some time to miss each other a little bit. Regardless of who you’re in a relationship with and if you can physically be together or not, you should never stop living your own life.
Wanting to connect and remain connected with your significant other is quite natural and normal. However, excessive communication may be your defence mechanism against the sadness that your partner can’t be with you, physically. By spending your days glued to your phone or computer, you avoid these uncomfortable emotions. That anticipation to reunite with your S.O. may morph into an unhealthy dependence or intensify the pain of being apart.
Our suggestion? Take time out to introspect on feelings of sadness about being in a long-distance relationship and focus on positive emotions of love and gratitude. Use this time to work on yourself and do what makes you happy. While it’s okay to prioritize your relationship (in fact, we encourage it), being in good spirits and maintaining your well-being will help you be the best you can be for your partner and your relationship.