6 Ways You Unknowingly Hurt Your Partner
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, trust, and security. Things can take a toxic turn when one partner is made to feel small, unimportant, inferior, or minimized. Nobody likes to be criticized. Let’s face it – we already place enough negative judgments on ourselves. But, when your partner regularly nags or puts you down, it can be a heavy and damaging load to carry.
One way in which many people disrespect their partners, whether accidentally or not, is through emotional invalidation, which is simply the act of dismissing someone’s feelings. It can be as quick and casual as saying “You’re overreacting” or as degrading as saying “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about”. Emotional invalidation is not always obvious and is often accidental. Here are a few ways you might be invalidating your partner’s feelings without even knowing it.
Do You Tease Your Partner Just A Little Too Much?
A subtle dig about their appearance or a teasing remark about their career can hurt just as much as a direct insult and can make your partner feel like you’re not on their side. Don’t get us wrong – teasing your partner can be a good way to bring humour into your relationship, but too much of it can be a problem. It could potentially damage the trust between you and make your partner feel undervalued. Do away with the negativity and focus on building each other up and looking for strengths in one another.
Are You Always Making Plans For Your Partner?
Do you find yourself making all the plans or volunteering your partner to do things without asking them first? While this is often done without malicious intent, you still need to ask. When you don’t, your partner will likely feel like their time and opinion don’t matter as much as yours. It can alter the dynamics of the relationship and cause your partner to feel like they have to defer to you. You can’t control how they spend their time. Plus, what if they already had plans?
Do You Often Take On Or Redo Your Partner’s Tasks?
In healthy, thriving relationships, couples usually split the labour and pick up their share of responsibilities. For many, there are two ways to do things: my way/the right way and your way. When you, for whatever reason, take on your partner’s duties, it can show a lack of trust in their capabilities and can lead to conflict. You are unknowingly telling them that their efforts are not needed. So the next time you feel the urge to refold the laundry or remake the bed, take a step back and think of a more loving and helpful way of addressing the issue.
Do You Find Yourself Trying To Solve Your Partner’s Problems?
When your partner comes to you hurting, it can be so tempting to just go into problem-solving mode when what your partner really needs is to vent or to be held. Without really meaning to, you are communicating that you don’t really care about your partner’s feelings and that you don’t trust their ability to fix the problem on their own. Next time your SO comes to you with a problem, ask them what they need from you: empathy, strategy, or distraction? It’s all about open communication.
Do You Constantly Talk Over Your Partner?
Over time, a habit as annoying as interrupting your partner in a conversation can create major communication barriers. Many times, when we interrupt someone who is talking, we do not mean to be rude. In your mind, you’re engaging in healthy back-and-forth conversation with the occasional interjections. But constantly undercutting your partner sends the message that you don’t respect their thoughts and opinions. When done in public, this can minimize them in the eyes of those around you. It’s important to make your partner feel heard and to let them express themselves fully before you respond.
Do You Often Disregard Your Partner’s Input?
Teamwork makes the dream work, or so the saying goes. It takes both individuals contributing to make the relationship as strong as possible. But when one person is at the helm making all the decisions, the whole situation can get a little half-sighted. Having different opinions and ideas can actually strengthen a plan and create better problem-solving strategies. Be considerate and respectful of your partner’s input and remember – you’re on the same team.
Recognizing that you may be putting down your partner is the first step to getting rid of all these bad habits. While you both do things differently, the key is to respect those differences. Negating the importance of your spouse undermines your relationship. When your partner expresses a feeling or opinion to you, you get to make a choice about how you react. You either choose to connect with your partner or push them away. Make the wrong choice too many times and the message becomes clear.