6 Ways You Can Show Up for Your Partner
Every romantic comedy will tell you that love is all that matters. Don’t get us wrong, it’s a nice concept but there’s a reason why these movies end right before “happily ever after” actually starts. Just as the fairy tale ends, the hard work begins. What the rom-coms don’t tell you about relationships is that love is actually pretty incidental. In reality, it all comes down to effort.
Why is it that we often leave “ever after” to chance? In every other domain of our lives, we are taught that work and effort achieve sustainable results. We, for example, don’t presume that by simply signing up at a gym and working out one time will result in a fit body overnight. With any endeavor, we take time to practice, build new skills, and put in the work.
However, when it comes to matters of the heart, many of us find ourselves relaxed and basking in the unique freedom that is unconditional love. Once it’s established that your partner loves you for you—all of you—it’s possible that some parts of your self-regulation and self-care routines can start to feel unnecessary. Getting complacent in a relationship is easy to do because essentially it’s about doing nothing, and it’s not long until resentment sets in.
Imagine what would happen if we put in as much effort into our relationships as we do in other domains of our lives. We’ve got you covered with 6 simple ways to show up for your partner and keep the romance alive:
Communicate Openly
As you settle into a comfortable groove with your partner, it’s natural to feel a little nostalgic for your relationship’s initial stages. Keep things fresh by genuinely being curious about your partner and recognising that, like you, they grow and change all the time. To avoid complacency in your relationship, approach your partner with fresh eyes and be open to the possibility that there is still so much left to learn about them. This will allow for open communication.
Maintain Sexual Desire
Physical intimacy can be difficult to maintain as home and work demands take over. That said, it’s important to be intentional about connecting with one another. One way to do this is by leaning into the desire for connection rather than ignoring it. If you’re in a long-term relationship, you’re probably very familiar with your partner’s seduction repertoire, which means they know yours by heart, too.
Maybe change things up a bit? But don’t worry. That doesn’t necessarily mean introducing a prop or acting kinkier than you are. You can change up how you initiate sex and when you have sex. If you typically let your partner know you’d like to be intimate by, say, cuddling up to them in bed at night, try initiating sex at a different time in a different way. See how your partner responds to a cheeky kiss as you’re doing chores or cooking together in the middle of the day.
Never Stop Dating
Remember when you were in the dating phase and you did things together that brought both of you pleasure? In addition to sex, that is. As you move from the honeymoon stage and settle into regular life, some of these plans get left on the back burner. Whether it’s scouring the city for the best ramen or making elaborate cocktails together, reintroducing these activities can bring back that old giddy feeling. Keep dating each other and seek new shared experiences. Find that sweet spot between comfort and novelty – it’ll do wonders for your relationship!
Have Your Own Hobby
Having shared interests is great, but don’t lose that individuality! Whether you’re into taking up photography or leatherwork, having your own ‘thing’ gives you and your partner something to talk about and brings a new energy into the relationship. So give each other space every now and then, then come back together and talk about your experiences.
Love Yourself
In order to maintain a healthy relationship, both you and your partner need to be able to support and care for your own mental, emotional, and physical health. This might include exercise or a yoga class, but also anything that makes you feel good like journaling or any type of self-expression. No matter how much you and your partner love one another, you cannot defer the responsibility for your well-being. Self-care and self-love can help you stay in tune with yourself so that you can be more present for your partner.
Show Gratitude
One of our fundamental needs as humans is to know that we are seen and valued by the people we love. When we do something that is valued by a significant other, naturally we tend to do more of it, which creates a positive feedback loop that keeps relationships healthy. Expressing gratitude and showing appreciation to your partner encourages more of what you love about them and how they show up for you.
The rom-coms and fairy tales neglect to tell us that sometimes, the magical sparks can fade to a puff of smoke. The promise of “ever after” cannot be left to chance. In real life, lasting love takes conscious care, time, and effort.