5 tips for preparing to meet your long distance partner for the first time

It’s finally happening for real.

You and your long distance love have been waiting for months, and possibly even years to meet. But you’ve waited long enough and now it’s time to find out for sure – you’re ready to meet face to face and see if you want to make a go of this wild love you’ve found.

As the Internet has made the world a small place, it’s equally possible that you’ll be travelling thousands of miles to meet as it is to have a 4-hour drive. But that doesn’t matter, because the feelings are remarkably similar.

What will it be like?

Will it be everything we’ve been hoping for?

Will s/he like me as much in person?

It’s a heady mixture of excitement, anxiety, fear and doubt, potentially compounded by skepticism from family and friends.

In short: there’s a lot to think about.

That’s why we’ve compiled our top 5 tips for preparing to meet your long distance partner for the first time.

1. Put safety first & have a backup plan

Let’s not beat around the bush on this: it doesn’t matter how well you think you know someone, living far apart means you don’t know everything about them and there’s a chance – even a tiny one – that they’re not exactly who they say.

So, it’s always essential to exercise caution.

The big red flag for us (and, if you’ve seen the Catfish show, you’ll know it’s Nev’s, too) is when your partner won’t talk to you on the phone or video chat. That was a red flag years ago, but in 2019 with video ability everywhere it’s just downright unforgivable. We’d go so far as to say not to book any tickets until you’ve had some video chat.

You can also put suspicions to rest by doing a little research on them, reaching out to their friends or family members to get a better feel for if they’re really who they say they are. Communicate that you’re doing this with them – if they have nothing to hide, they should understand that you want to make sure. And you should welcome them doing the same.

Once you’re confident there won’t be any nasty surprises and you’ve booked your tickets, relax and enjoy the process – it’ll only happen once. But still be sensible at this stage too.

That doesn’t mean carry mace in your pocket when you arrive, just have a contingency if things don’t work as you’d hoped.

Okay, this post seems kind of a downer right now but stay with us for a moment. This doesn’t mean your trip will be a disaster, it just may not be 100% what you’d pictured in your head, for any number of reasons.

Maybe you don’t feel as relaxed as you’d anticipated.

Maybe one of you is self-conscious and shy.

Maybe you’ll just want the ability to get some space – especially if the bathroom situation gives you less privacy than you’d like. Nobody likes to talk about it but few couples are open about their bodily functions right from day one.

And hey, these things are all okay! Spending a lot of money and travelling across the globe all by yourself is a big thing regardless of how old you are, and having a few precautions in place is the sensible thing to do.

When Aindrea was meant to visit England for the first time (the trip that never happened – if you’re unfamiliar with our early days, you can catch up here), she happened to know someone who had family a couple of towns away. She had their contact details and address in case she wasn’t comfortable staying with Rich and his family.

The second time around – when we actually did finally meet – the spare room had been set up for Aindrea, if we weren’t comfortable spending the night together, we didn’t ‘click’, or she just wanted her space.

Thankfully, it turned out not to be necessary – but we had a plan just in case.

Not everyone will have a family friend in the area they can stay with, but booking a refundable hotel or one with a flexible cancellation policy might be a good idea. Even if you just want somewhere to go to rest after a long flight or have some personal space. You may not feel comfortable staying in someone’s home the first time you meet, and that’s perfectly fine!

2. Talk to your partner about your concerns. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries

In the months leading up to our first meet, we talked a lot about it.

Both of us had slight concerns that the chemistry we felt through the phone and in our online chats may not translate into real life.

This is totally natural, and we discussed what we might do if this is the case.

Your concerns may be different, but you should talk to your partner about these feelings and try to reassure each other. You should be realistic and pragmatic about meeting (but don’t lose that excitement) and you shouldn’t feel like you can’t address these things with your partner.

It’s also important that you set boundaries, if you feel you want to. And while it may be an uncomfortable topic to bring it, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Aindrea stipulated in advance of her trip that she wouldn’t be having sex on the very first day – and believe us, after all the years we’d been talking, there was a lot of pent up sexual chemistry. But it had to wait one more day.

She wanted time to settle in, recover from the jetlag, and get to know Rich in real life before taking that step. And he respected that.

Again, the boundaries you want to set may be different, but they should be respected all the same.

3. Plan fun things to do together

We would always encourage everyone to enjoy the excitement that leads up to your first meet! While most of our advice on this topic is practical, that doesn’t take away from the fact that we know what a big deal all of this is, and how emotional and exciting it will be.

Relish that.

One of the most wonderful things about planning your first meet is discussing all the wonderful things that you will do together. This is also helpful if you’re both a bit shy or not comfortable being spontaneous – which can be particularly challenging when you’re in a completely new place.

Research what there is to do nearby and what you’ll both find interesting. This also allows you the opportunity to experience things you enjoy together and make special memories, which are some of the best things about being in a relationship.

4. Reassure skeptical friends or family members

Meeting someone for the first time, and travelling a great distance to do so, can sometimes make your family and friends worry. It’s certainly something we encountered, and we’ve seen it in the LDR community that we’re a part of online, too.

For the first planned visit, Aindrea’s parents were pretty concerned and arranged to speak to Rich’s parents (we were both still living at home). This really helped calm their nerves, as they knew this wasn’t just a stranger from the other side of the world – it was a real person with a family, welcoming their daughter into their home.

Aindrea had laid the groundwork for this, too, by making it a point to talk a lot about Rich.

At any opportunity, she would mention something about him:

What he did for work.

The things he liked.

The sweet things he said about her.

Over time, this gave her parents a real sense of what he was like as a person, and we highly recommend doing something similar.

Parents – and other family and friends – would also feel reassured hearing about the backup plan you’ve put together, and the safety precautions you’re taking. If, in their mind, you were hopping on a plane to meet a total stranger with no other consideration, hearing your sensible approach could really put their mind at ease.

5. Be prepared for your flight/long drive

This gets overlooked, but it’s a biggie.

If it’s a long haul flight, you’ll want to make sure that you have plenty of things to keep you entertained, like books and movies and a good pair of headphones. Taking a notebook or journal is also a good idea, as it allows you to write about your feelings and anxieties, which is always fun to look back on years down the line.

We also recommend packing a few toiletries that are easily accessible so you can freshen up before you arrive. Deodorant, perfume or aftershave, a toothbrush and toothpaste are probably our top suggestions. For women, we might also suggest dry shampoo, face wipes and a few makeup items so you feel like you’re putting your best foot forward. There’s nothing worse than the grime of travel, and meeting the person who means the world to you when feeling grotty can be really nerve wracking!

If you want know more, you can always check out our podcast by listening to Episode 16, in which we cover this topic in much more depth.